Happy Birthday from ICMezzo

Bling

Happy Birthday, TwilightMundi!

Happy birthday, my friend!
I hope that you have a wonderful weekend full of all kinds of indulgence and celebration.
I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me as a beta and friend, but I did want to write a little something for you. Of course, I'm sure you'd be happier if I finally learned the difference between “laying” and “lying”, but that's probably not going to happen. ;) So hopefully you'll accept this little outtake instead. I hope you enjoy it.
Here's to another year of laughs and fic and friendship!
Hugs, ICMezzo ♥

A/N: This Said and Done outtake is set sometime around chapter 23. As always, SaD is E/J slash. Vamp/human. Rated M. Stephenie Meyer owns everything you recognize. Thanks to Missyfits, Yogagal, and SweetandSaltyff for editing. Enjoy! :)

---

Every.

Single.

One.

Edward huffed. And hit the “next” arrow another time.

Again!

And Again!

It didn't take a vampire to figure out that Jasper had a little fetish of his own. Edward narrowed his eyes as he clicked through photo after photo in Jasper's porn collection.

They all had something in common, and it wasn't extraordinarily large man bits.

They were...pierced.

A lip, an eyebrow, an ear.

A penis or two.

And most often? Nipples.

He'd never seen so many pierced nipples in once place before.

Edward frowned and glanced over at the sleeping human beside him.

Pierced.

The one thing Edward could never be.

After all, what could pierce vampire flesh?

xXxXx

Jasper and Edward were walking home from the library one night holding hands when they crossed paths with another graduate student in Jasper's division.

They stopped to chat with him for a moment.

Well, technically Jasper chatted for a moment.

Edward just stood there and glared.

Not so much at the student, but at the tongue ring that flashed in his mouth, at the barbell that ornamented his ear, and the outline of the hoops piercing his nipples, clearly visible through the thin fabric of his shirt.

Edward glanced back at Jasper, who was talking animatedly about some potsherd he'd translated earlier that day. But Edward saw his boyfriend's eyes flicker to the man's tongue more than once and his chest more often still.

It was the last straw. Edward was going to find a way to put unnecessary holes in his mammary papillas if it was the last thing he did.

xXxXx

What could pierce vampire flesh?

Edward was determined to find out.

And it was a good thing he was stubborn because things were not going very well.

Where there's a will, there's a way, Edward reminded himself as he held yet another needle to his chest. But like the others, it shattered before it managed to pierce even the most outer layer of his stony flesh.

He moved on to the nails he'd picked up from the local hardware store, and didn't give up until he'd broken or bent all five dozen that had come in the package.

After having similarly poor luck with a staple gun, drill bit, and magical incantations, Edward gave in and e-mailed Carlisle for help. Surely the hospital had something that would work?

He booted up his computer and called up Google. A few dead-ends later he was ready to give up, when suddenly he located a website that sold diamond cutters.

He ordered seven.

Rush delivery, of course.

He wanted to be everything that Jasper desired. And as soon as possible.

xXxXx

While he waited for his new purchases to arrive, he decided to take a trip to the mall. Edward wasn't generally a fan of malls, however, he was in need of a jewelry store, and he knew there were several in the nearby upscale shopping mall.

“Can I help you?” a saleswoman asked him as he entered the first store.

Edward nodded vigorously. “I would like to purchase your best clip-on nipple rings. I would prefer a white gold, if possible, as I feel it would be most complimentary to my skin tone. But I would be willing to try on others if you feel they would be befitting of my nippular area.”

He quickly took off his shirt to illustrate, but she immediately squawked at him, so Edward pulled his shirt back down over his head just in time to see her manager come from the back room.

He was quickly ushered out of the store.

He didn't take off any of his clothing in the next store, but he was no more successful.

They laughed at him there.

At least the woman working in the third store recommended a place for him to try next. “Second floor, on the right,” she had said. “It's called 'Spencer's'.”

While Spencer's was eye opening for Edward with its vast collection of inflatable dolls, lava lamps, and plastic handcuffs, it didn't have what Edward needed either. Sure, they sold body jewelry, but nothing that met his high standards—Jasper deserved the best, didn't he?—and none of it was clip-on.

Frustrated, Edward left the mall and headed back home.

To add insult to injury, Carlisle finally got back to him, calling Edward during the drive home with more bad news. Apparently his father wasn't willing to risk damaging the hospital’s multimillion dollar equipment in what he was sure would be a failed attempt at drilling holes through his son's nipples.

At least his Internet order would arrive the next day.

xXxXx

Would Jasper never leave?

Edward was trying not to pace as his boyfriend watched cartoons on his couch. Jasper didn't even like cartoons, yet there he sat watching Spongebob.

“Well, I guess I'll get in the shower,” Jasper finally said.

“Yes, I guess you will,” Edward replied, earning himself a raised eyebrow from Jasper. It was already nearly 11 a.m., and Jasper hadn't budged from the couch since Edward's package had arrived at 9:15 that morning. How was Edward supposed to pierce his nipples with heavy machinery if Jasper wouldn't leave him alone for a single minute?

Jasper shrugged. Once in awhile he liked a lazy Saturday morning. He also was very aware that Edward was up to something because of the distinctive gleam in his eye.

The last time Jasper had seen that gleam, Edward had unveiled a plan for them to purchase the American branch of the condom manufacturer, Durex, explaining how, over time, doing so would actually be a cost-saving measure for them.

But at 11 a.m., Jasper's desire to shower finally won out over his determination to figure out what Edward was up to, so he gave in and headed to the bathroom.

By 11:16 a.m. Jasper emerged from the bathroom bathed, shaved, brushed, and ready for the day, whereas Edward had done little but break all seven diamond cutters on his nipples and then tear a pillow to shreds in frustration.

Jasper helped Edward pick up the feathers and somehow managed to refrain from asking the many questions dancing on the tip of his tongue.

xXxXx

As Jasper slept that night, Edward lay beside him staring at the ceiling. He was certain the answer was out there.

He pinched his nipples experimentally. They didn't feel so hard to him.

So why couldn't he figure out a way to—

And then the answer came to him. It was brilliant.

He just needed Emmett's help.

He sent a quick text to his brother, informing him that he needed a bit of a favor and would visit the next day.

xXxXx

Edward wasn't one to resort to coarse language, but mother fucker, his nips hurt.

Still, it was worth it, he decided, gazing down at his chest ,through his shirt, he could see the outline of the titanium that now ornamented his body.

Edward felt a little badass with his new piercing, and he kinda liked it.

He touched one gently, but even the light brush caused him to yelp reflexively at the intense pain. Well, vampire flesh healed quickly; he'd be fine by the time he got back to Seattle.

Putting his hand back on the steering wheel, he pressed harder on the gas pedal of his Volvo.

He couldn't wait to get home to Jasper.

xXxXx

Edward was positively giddy when he arrived home.

Jasper's term paper deadline, however, was fast approaching regardless of Edward's mood. So no matter what Edward did to gain Jasper's attention, Jasper ignored him and went back to work.

After an hour of failed attempts, Edward gave up on subtlety. He peeled off his shirt and strode around the living room posing in several of the positions he'd picked up on from Jasper's pierced men porn collection that best showed off his new bling.

Eventually Jasper was forced look up from his laptop.

Edward smirked and ran his hands over his chest, before flexing his biceps.

“What the hell did you do?” Jasper gaped.

“Do you like?” Edward grinned saucily, posing again with his arms over his head while he pushed his chest out.

“I...um... how?” Jasper looked confused. If Edward was capable of being pierced in any way, Jasper wanted to know about it. After all, Jasper hadn't always been a bottom and might have been a tad interested in doing a bit of Edward-piercing himself.

Edward mumbled some unintelligible response and turned to the side to give Jasper a profile view.

“So?” Edward prodded. “What do you think?”

“Well, fuck, I mean, it's totally hot, Edward. But, I had no idea you were considering...Wait, is this what you were up to with Emmett today?” Jasper was slowly putting two and two together.

Edward nodded. “Yup.”

“Did Emmett pierce his too?” Jasper asked.

“Oh, no, he didn't want me to do that...” Edward replied, turning again and puffing out his chest in an effort to distract Jasper from the finer details.

“Wait a second. He did that to you? How?” Jasper was not to be dissuaded.

“Does it matter, hot stuff?” Edward asked, running his fingers over his chest and giving Jasper his most sexy face.

Jasper rolled his eyes. Everyone was warm to Edward.

“Yes, it matters!” Jasper pouted, completely curious about exactly what had gone on at Emmett's today. He bit his lip. “I'll put away my paper and we can have sex if you tell me.” Jasper wasn't messing around.

“Fine,” Edward agreed. “He...um...Emmett...well...hebitme.”

“Wait, what?” Jasper asked, not quite sure he'd heard Edward correctly.

“Emmett, um...bit me.”

“Your brother bit you,” Jasper repeated.

“Well, he didn't want to at first, but I threatened to tell Rosalie about the time that he—”

“Your brother bit you?” Jasper interrupted.

Edward nodded. “Twice,actually. One for each—”

“Yeah, I got it.” Jasper shook his head. “Your brother...bit you.” He said it again, still not quite able to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

“Yes, and then I just popped in these little barbell things that you like right before it healed,” Edward explained.

“These barbell things I like?” Jasper echoed. “How do you... I mean... Edward, what is going on?”

“Nothing! I mean, it's just that I saw your porn collection one night and all the guys were pierced, so I thought you liked it.”

“Well, okay, yeah, I do, but you didn't have to have your brother bite you. It's just something I think is generally kinda hot, but I think you're far sexier than any of those models regardless of any piercings they might have.” Jasper watched as Edward started to look a bit dejected.

“You don't like it, do you? Is it because I don't look like a porn model? Emmett tried to tell me that I wasn't buff enough to pull it off, and I know that all those guys in your photos are much more tanned too. And a lot of them have cowboy hats. But you know I can get a cowboy hat if you want...though I can't really do much about the tan.”

Edward looked so sad that Jasper couldn't help but jump up off the couch to kiss him. He cupped his vampire's face in his hands and looked him in the eye. “Edward, you're perfect. I love you. That won’t change based on hats or piercings or tans.” He kissed Edward thoroughly on the lips before placing a light peck on his upper chest, and running his hands up Edward's bare skin.

Edward growled at Jasper's caress, which made Jasper chuckle.

“You're a goof and I love you,” Jasper told him fondly.

“I'm not a goof, I'm badass,” Edward corrected him.

Jasper snorted. “Yeah, you're badass alright. Now get that ass of yours into the bedroom so I can have my way with you.”

Edward scampered off and was undressed and under the covers instantly.

Jasper joined him right after he sent a quick “Thank you” text to Emmett.

He kinda liked badass Edward.